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THE ADVENTURES of DYNAMITE BOB

by Rod KIRKPATRICK

(based on notes and sketches sent to the author

by Dynamite Bob over a period from November 2003 to November 2012)

 

 

 

 

Dear Rod –

 

                  Just a few fast words to let you know that this is it …  The Master Kaster’s approaching. I hope Pandora gets this note to you.  I can feel the Kaster coming up from behind me.

                  It’s entering me … impaling me … splitting me open … goodbye.

 

 

FOREWARD

 

 

      I received this last scrawled word from Bob at the end of November 2012 at my studio in the suburbs of Paris, France.  As with all of Bob’s correspondance, it always arrived while I was asleep, attached to the bar that laterally transverses the lower section of my window that looks out onto the Marne River.  The letter saddened but didn’t surprise me.  I knew that Dynamite Bob had been stranded on the Experimental Planet for almost six years and his volumnious correspondence had become more and more desperate and more and more insane.

 

      I first met Dyanamite Bob in the spring of 1992 on the terrace of a café a stone’s throw away from the Bois de Vincennes, in Paris.  At the time, I occasionally stopped there for a drink.  One hot summer’s day I sat down to the strange sight of a big guy in a buckskin jacket and knee-high deerskin boots drinking a one-litre beer mug full of what appeared to be pastis !  On top of that he was successfully chatting up the very pretty waitress in perfect French.  Even though the terrace was bursting with people no one (with the exception of myself) seemed to pay the slightest attention to what was going on.  The waitress in question finally tore herself away to take my order and during the extremely short time that she was gone a very strange thing occured.

 

      Dynamite Bob began talking to me from the other side of the terrace.  What was so strange was that I heard every word he said as clearly as if he had been sitting next to me.  When the waitress returned to bask in Bob’s intentions his words continued to be addressed towards me !  Then he got up from his table and walked over to join me at mine yet at the same time he remained seated at his table chatting up the waitress !  Not having taken anything more serious than a beer you can imagine my reaction to such a strange event.

     He spoke for a long while with me and my attention was occasionally divided between his presence at my table and the other Bob on the other side of the terrace.  He spoke of his Adventures across Space and through Time that were made possible with what he referred to as his ‘Astral Web’.  He opened up his saddle bag and showed It to me.  It seemed a bit worse for the wear and tear but he assured me that the Web was – ‘a hot item’.

 

 

 

 

i.

 

      Personally, I was getting a little sloshed as the beers and the pastis flowed copuously throughout the afternoon.  The café closed around eight with the waitress leaving with Dynamite Bob the Sober and me staggering out of there with Dynamite Bob the Hammered. 

I never did ask him how he managed to do the ‘two Bob’s trick’ but as I said before it was he who did most of the talking and as he also paid for all the drinks ... Before going our separate ways, he insisted that we meet again the next day to continue our conversation to which I agreed.  Pulling out the Web he slipped into it and vanished on the spot.  Shakily, I got on my bicycle and rode home.

 

      The next morning I awoke to a raging headache and a full day of work in front of me.  After a very long and difficult day, the last thing I wanted to do was talk.  But I went to the café anyway, ordered a ‘Picon bière’ and fell back into silent misgiving.  I closed my burning, tired eyes and when I opened them Dynamite Bob was sitting acrosss from me in silence, wearing a wide grin and evidently waiting for a sign of life.  I faintly nodded and his diatribe picked up where it had left off the day before.  And so on.  The days turned into weeks and I took many notes which eventually became « The IronHorse Adventures of Dynamite Bob » which I finished writing in 1994.

 

      I gave Bob a copy and he vanished.  It would be almost ten years before I would hear from him again.

 

      In November 2003,  I awoke one sunny morning and hanging off the metal bar that transversed my window was a small package.  I opened it and read the contents in a scrawl that was difficult to decipher.  The contents left no doubt as to who the author was.  Dynamite Bob was back, but this time only by correspondence.  I would never actually see Bob again but there could be no doubt as to the authenticity of the Tale as he described it.  The subsequent packages (full of notes, impressions and naive sketches) arrived at regular intervals and according to Bob they came to me via Pandora - his partner in life.  His Astral Web had disappeared.  He was stranded on what was a strange set of islands which he called the ‘Tri-Islands’ - out of place and out of time as we know it to be.  Only Pandora had the capacity to move between the dimensions that separated Dynamite Bob from myself.  I have never personally met Pandora nor has she ever communicated with me directly.

 

      Beginning with the first package of his notes, Bob had urged me to write the story about what was happening to him on those Islands.  He had enjoyed the first book and was sure that I was  ‘the guy’ to put his story right.  I hope I do him justice for I greatly fear that Dynamite Bob will never get the opportunity to read what you, the reader, are about to.  Perhaps it’s just as well because after all, he – Dynamite Bob – lived it.

 

Rod KIRKPATRICK, November 2012

Le Perreux sur Marne, France

 

 

 

 

Chapter 1.  ARRIVAL.

 

      Dynamite Bob fell out of the sky into cold black fresh water. No land was visible.  The clouds moved above with an unatural rapidity.  They were thick, hung low and of the deepest charcoal grey.  Dynamite Bob continued to scan for land but could see none.  It didn’t matter.  Soon the temperature of the water would get the best of him.  He was naked.  He treaded water trying to stay warm but he knew he only had a few minutes left to him.  How had he arrived here ?  Where was Pandora ?  Where had the Astral Web gone ?  He racked his brain.  To finish like this.  After the countless centuries of recklessness and danger he had faced.  Caught like a fool and thrown to the fish to be finished off like a left-over from last night’s dinner.  It didn’t seem possible.  Yet it was happening .

      Time seemed an eternity as he treaded the cold water and soon he began to lose strength in his limbs.  His eyes began closing and he felt a stiffness in his joints.  Soon he would sink into the dark depths below.  But just before going under, Bob spotted a bright orange dot that seemed to be approaching at rapid speed.  He doubled his efforts to stay afloat and sure enough what appeared to be a large orange rowing boat, the kind used by fishermen, was heading straight for him.  The boat was gaining rapidly.  So rapidly in fact that Dynamite Bob had to dive under the surface of the water to avoid having his head taken off.

      When he came back to the surface the boat was floating just a few metres away from him.  The water had become very still.  The clouds no longer moved.  In fact everything seemed to have stopped – almost as if the atmosphere itself was holding its breath.  Dynamite Bob began to swim the few metres towards the boat.  It took tremendous effort and when he reached the stern of the boat, just as he was about to grab onto it to pull himself up and into it, some force stopped him dead.  His hands were just centimetres from the top of the stern.  All movement ceased.  A suffocating terror overcame Bob.  He no longer felt the water.  Uncertain and unable to move, he tried to scream to prove to himself that the situation was real.  He couldn’t open his mouth.  Trapped in a moment out of time that he couldn’t share with any living thing.  Only his brain functioned.  No sense of touch or smell.  Even his sight only took in the flat grey sky, the flat black water and the flat orange stern of a boat that no longer possessed dimensions.

      Something wrapped itself aroung Bob’s ankles.  Suddenly, he was being whipped along the surface of the water on his back.  Motion had returned.  The sky moved again. A rope had him by the ankles and he was being pulled at lightning speed by the boat.  This couldn’t continue so Bob pulled himself forward and grabbed the taught rope that he was attached to and began pulling himself towards the stern.  This time he caught onto it and managed to pull himself into the boat.  He unraveled the cords which had burned an imprint into his ankles.  Bob looked up and saw another rope leading from the bow up into the darkened sky of low lying clouds.  He barely perceived a large winged beast which was at the other end of the rope pulling the boat.  Exhausted, he lay down and soon fell asleep.

      When he came to it was night.  There was no wind and it was very cold.  The sky above him was clear and full of countless stars.  Yet despite all his past Adventures on hundreds of planets throughout the Universe, Dynamite Bob did not recognize any familiar constellations.  It worried him being under an unfamiliar sky with absolutely no way of discerning north from south or east from west.  In the end it didn’t really matter anyhow.  He was cold, wet and stiff all over.  Yet he was alive and for the moment that was enough.

     Dynamite Bob inspected the boat.  It was fairly long, about nine metres and at its widest about three.  Large oars were attached to the interior of the hull.  The workmanship was top notch and this recomforted him being adrift in a vast expanse of fresh water.  A tarpaulin was stretched across the bow of the boat which extended for about one third its length.  A wooden plank with a small hinged door laterally transversed the boat thus securing the tarpaulin.  Bob opened the small latch which held the door and crawled inside.

      It was very dark and the first thing he felt when he crawled in was an animal skin covered in thick fur.  It smelt of fresh female musk and the odour caused him to fall into a comfortable dream-like euphoria.  He rolled himself in the warm skin and pleasantly drifted off to another dimension. 

      A field of wind-swept grass and wild flowers stretched out before him under a beautiful blue azure sky.  Pandora was next to him and they were both taking it in amid a perfect silence under a massive, majestic tree of great age.  A thick, warm liquid began to seep from the tree trunk and then from its branches and finally from its leaves.  It was blood.  Dynamite Bob and Pandora looked up in horror to see the bodies of literally hundreds of children dangling in the branches with their bodily liquids raining down on them.  They rushed to escape the tree canopy and when they had finished wiping the blood from their eyes, they were stopped cold at what they saw.

      A Presence was looming before them just beyond the tree’s outer branches.  It didn’t move and neither did they. It soon began to expand, blocking all passage from the tree.  Dynamite Bob and Pandora looked at each other.  The children’s blood began to burn their skin. They blanched and cowered at the shrill giggles of the children that gurgled from behind.  Soonafter their flask and fluidless bodies began slithering down the branches with their mouths opening and closing like newly caught fish.  Their bulging eyes contained no pupils but had no trouble focusing on their prey.  Bob made ready the Astral Web for a quick exit to another time and place.  And for the first time ever - the Web failed.  The child-like things approached, intent on consuming their prey under the silent regard of the ominous Presence.

      Bob awoke in the boat.  He could see daylight shining through the tarpaulin. He felt groggy, as if someone had hit him on the head with a rubber mallet.  He remembered the nightmare.  The child-like things.  He shuddered.  He was beginning to remember.  Looking around he saw that he had slept in a long narrow passage way.  On either side of him were boxes and barrels.  He slipped his way out from under the tarpaulin to greet the day.  The sun was high and veiled by a thin sheet of cloud .  The air was cool.  As was the water which was good to drink. When he had finished quenching his thirst he rolled back the tarpaulin to see what was stored underneath it.

      He felt great joy as he sampled the contents of the various wooden casks.  He uncorked a small barrel and breathed deep... Salt. Gorse.  Sea brine.  He took a swig– delicious !  A wide and satisfied smile grew on his face.  He recorked the barrel and went on to the next one.  Peat. Vanilla.  Licorice.  Sublime.  Onto the third barrel.  Honey and heather with a dry lingering finish.  A fourth barrel followed.  A sweet rich flavour of plums, cherries and marzipane followed by a touch of smoke and wildflowers .  Exceptional !

    After sampling the four barrels, Dynamite Bob sat back to take in the light.  The sun purred over the calm silver-grey water.  How did I get here ?  he thought.  But all the while he smiled to himself and silently thanked whoever it was who had put such magnificent hooch into this wooden angel of a boat.  He considered the size of the barrels for he would have to be careful not to drink their contents too quickly.  He had no idea how long he would stay adrift and for the moment decided to exercise caution concerning their consumption.  Hunger.  As is often the case with exquisite cratur, a hardy appetite is soon to follow.  A little off-balance despite the still waters, Bob started opening-up various wooden boxes.  In them he found a good supply of strange looking dried meats and fruits.  He also discovered crackers and biscuits which, if he was prudent, should keep him going for a week or so.  Prudence was not Bob’s strong point however.  He was a big guy and never did anything in a small way.

 

 At the bottom of one box which contained eating utensils and a small silver drinking bowl, Bob came across a strange sort of amulet the kind of which he had never seen before.  It was packaged in a small leather envelope and bore the same design as that in the bottom of the drinking bowl.  Attached to a long thin chain was a heart with a hangman’s noose at its point.  It was made from a metal that was not readily discernable to him.  Eyeing it suspiciously, he decided to put it back in the envelope and subsequently in the box.  Dynamite Bob didn’t like jewellery of any kind but the heart which finished with the hangman’s noose started him off to thinking about Pandora.

      Where is she ? he mused as he filled the drinking bowl with the liquid from the first barrel.  He had finished his meal and the marvellous liquor caused more than just hot blood to stir through his veins.  His intentions were very noticible from the waist down as well.  Just how long had it been since he had had the attentions of a woman or anything else in female form ?  His head spun and his turgid member became too much to handle.  Shooting off steam may be one way of looking at it, but Bob’s jism was attaining heights that rivaled those of famous geysers. His orgasmic yelps filled the dead calm which surrounded him.  When he finally came out of his spasmotic trance he realized that he was completely covered in a sticky white mess.  The water looked tempting.  He thought about the last time that he was in it.  It had been very cold.  Then he thought about the stoppage of time.  The absence of any living sound or movement.  Could he risk it ?  He decided that he couldn’t do otherwise.  He stood up and hesitated awhile as if waiting for something to push him in.  A slight breeze lifted.  When he hit the water he asked himself for the second time – Where is Pandora ? 

      The water didn’t seem as cold as before.  Before ?  When was that ?   It seemed to Bob as he swam that he wasn’t really conscious of what was actually happening to him.  He wasn’t afraid.  He had brushed with death countless times in the past.  One day it would come, yet after all he had done, he wasn’t sure that he wouldn’t welcome it.  But would there actually be  a change ?  After passing through time and other dimensions with the Astral Web he began to think that a change of body might be just the thing.  Another Adventure ?  Floating on his back under the silver sun with liquor filled to the brim of his silver drinking bowl, he coudn’t think of anything that would please him more – but without Pandora it just wouldn’t be the same.  Child-like things with gaping mouths.  The Web not working.  Trapped under a tree by something beyond what he could describe.  He took a decent draught of the liquor and slowly savoured it before the big gulp.  Fine.  He passed the day floating on his back and finished the liquor of the third barrel.  Night had fallen on the unknown waters of an unknown planet in a space and time unknown to Dynamite Bob.

      As he pulled himself into the boat to go to sleep he saw a dark shadow flying above him.  Its large wings moved slowly in silence as it turned in circles over his boat.  Dynamite Bob was wired on great liquor.  He began calling up to the creature and singing it ribald bar songs while dancing around in the boat causing it to toss up and down.  He had the strange premonition that there was something familiar about it.  Wasn’t this the beast that had pulled the boat when his ankles had been trapped by the rope ?  He couldn’t be sure and despite his banter the creature kept on circling - neither descending nor ascending.  Losing his balance he fell from the boat into the water.  He began sinking and made no effort to swim back up to the surface.  Down he went, conscious of his situation, yet too lazy to be bothered.  Maybe there’s more to life at the bottom of the water.  Give it a shot.  Maybe sprout gills on the way down.  With his lungs about to burst he felt something very large come up from under him and shoot him to the surface.  No underwater night-life tonight.  He fell with a thud into the boat.  Too cold, too tired and too high to ask himself anymore questions he crawled through the small hatch and rolled up in the thick fur which smelt of fresh musk and feminine chaleur.

      Dynamite Bob awoke with an enormous hard-on.  It was hot under the tarpaulin.  He was sweating profusely.  Quickly wriggling out of the narrow sleeping place, he made straight for the drink.  The feel of the cold fresh water on his hot cramped body was sublime.  Bob was sitting on top of the world and slightly under the surface of the water singing and laughing as he languidly floated on the delicious aqua vitae.

      The sun was high now.  The water very still.  No breeze.  Just a deep blue sky with a burning ball of white flame.  Bob turned towards the boat and perched on it he saw a strange silhouette.  Not like the Presence on an other distant planet.  No.  This one appeared real.  It ressembled a huge bird with it wings folded around its body.  Its head was long and oval-shaped and finished in a snorkel-like nose.  Its feet were large, webbed and well-clawed.  Bob treaded water trying to decide what to do about this creature.  If indeed it was his abducter then it must possess powers greater than his own.  At that point he realized that in fact, as he was no longer in possession of the Astral Web, he had been reduced to the status of an ordinary human being.  He winced at the thought of it.  Indeed, reality was slowly sinking in.  He regarded the creature calmly.  Did it mean him harm ?  He stared at the beast trying to size it up and decided it would be better for him to stay in the water and to try to communicate with it from there.  He began to speak.

      But before any words could leave his mouth he found himself hearing words in a female voice .  A voice that was very familiar.  Pandora’s voice !  Yet the creature’s mouth wasn’t moving.  He was sure of that.  And he was also sure that he wasn’t imagining things.  He swam towards the creature and looked up at it.  The sun was directly above it, casting an angel-like halo around its head which was in deep black shadow.  Not moving a muscle, it hovered inert, still as a sculpture from another time.  It continued speaking to Bob until finally it dawned on him that the creature was communicating with him telepathically.  The words were clear and he understood them yet he had trouble retaining their message.  It had been a long time since Dynamite Bob had communicated telepathically and he found his efforts to respond strained and clumsy.  The creature itself seemed to understand his predicament and waited patiently.  Finally they clicked and he and the creature managed to get into sync.

      « Pandora ? » Bob asked.

      « Yes Bob. » the creature replied.

      « You’ve changed since I last saw you. »

 Pandora extended her reptilian-like wings and helped a very happy Dynamite Bob back into the boat.  It was only now that the sun revealed her new body in all its erotic splendour. 

Her long oval head was adorned with stunningly large yellow eyes and long thick black lashes.  A small snout finished it off enhanced by a sensous mouth with full rich lips that covered bright blue gums and no teeth.  Her ears were recessed and covered with a flat membrane. 

A very long neck led down to her breasts which were large and descended in two rows of three.  Below those was her slightly rounded stomach which eased enticingly into her long, shapely and very human–like legs. 

Her long webbed feet possessed three frontal claws which were definitely capable of doing damage. 

Between her legs there was a medium-length tail which was cradled between the cheeks of a perfect ass.  She draped her wings languidly behind her head and each one finished with a long and pointed claw.

 

      Dynamite Bob, however, was transfixed by a detail that left the rest of this strange and enticing creature elsewhere.  It was her vagina. It was beating like a heart.  It was blood-red and sweating and seemed to be – glowing.  Its lips were undulating like the body of an ocean medusa.  A thick, musky odour filled the air and Bob, with eyes and penis bulging, sat as in a spell, drooling like a Satyr just waiting to be let out of its cell into a chambre of nubile young things.

      Pandora replied with a encouraging nod and a knowing smile.

The cell door opened and Dynamite Bob attacked full force into the welcoming body that awaited him.  If the water was still, he and Pandora soon had it emmiting waves that should have been felt around the Universe.  Intense isn’t the word and time didn’t seem to matter in the sensuous bout between old friends.  The day turned into night before the action in the boat began slowing down and finally came to a halt under a clear, star-filled sky.  Not much mental communication had passed since the two telepathically met and during their down-time they stopped to compare notes and tried to piece together the puzzle that had got them to where they were now.  Bob told Pandora about the tree, the child-like things and the Presence that stopped them from advancing.  Pandora recalled the incident as well but didn’t go into further detail nor connect it to their present circumstances. 

    

       Dynamite Bob awoke, alone, to choppy water and a cold wind.  Warm in his fur skin, he felt reluctant to face the day and so started it with a fine dram.  One dram led to the next and it seemed that with every dram drunk the water became more and more violent.  He opened the hatch and stuck his head outside.  A fast moving sky of dark low lying clouds invoked deep misgivings as he recalled his introduction to the new Planet.  Things had gone very well recently.  The sun, the liquor, discovering anew Pandora.  Just like her to fly off when the flying’s good.  The cratur had taken a nasty turn as had the increasingly violent waves.  Paranoid thoughts and hot rages burned in Bob’s mind as the boat was being tossed around like a mosquito in a hurricane.  Batten down the hatches and the snatches of the Bitch that left me here to die on this accursed stretch of water.  He downed another dram.   Damn her !  Damn them !  Damn it all !   The crest of the waves sent the boat hurtling ever higher into the air.   I’ll touch the sun and burn them all as they’re trying to burn me !   The boat began to twist and turn like a whirling dervish yet Bob continued to swill the contents from the barrel.  The water was churning and crashing and yet Bob could hear no sound.  The cold rage in his brain had blocked all else out.  The sky above moved faster and faster and along with the water was being sucked into a deep hole below the Planet’s surface.

      The boat spun but not Bob.  He suddenly calmed and his exterior rage gave way to that on his interior.  He continued to drink and at the same time to observe with gleeful pleasure the whole scene being sucked down some sort of interplanetary drainpipe into who-knows-where ?  A change of scenery ?  He certainly hoped so.  Down he went.  The Sky the Sun the Water the Boat and Dynamite Bob.  Down, down … and then – gone.

      What Bob survived to see, seemed, at first glance, to be pretty much the same as what he had just experienced over the past few days.  Water.  The sky and the water didn’t melt into each other as before.  Yet the water and the sky had changed.  The water was no longer black but a deep tourquoise blue.  Bob tasted it and it was salty.  The sky also had a different aspect to it.  It wasn’t the colour.  Something wasn’t right.  He couldn’t put his finger on it and soon an intense thirst overtook him as he had just finished a whole barrel of liquor.  Yet he couldn’t drink the water around him.  He checked out his supplies again but found nothing in the way of fresh water.  Liquor wasn’t the answer so he ate some dried fruit hoping it would stave off his thirst.  The air was hot.  Hotter than in the other place from which he had been sucked from.  Who’s behind all this ?  groaned Bob to himself, all the while expecting a voice to answer him.  But no voice came and he had the impression of being a pawn in the hands of some evil chessmaster.  The MasterKaster.  He had never heard of such a name in all his life.  Yet it entered his head.  Came his way so to speak.  And it didn’t do anything to quench his thirst.  Something was having Its evil way with him and all he wished for was escape.  Escape to the life he had known before the dreadful child-like things descended to devour him and Pandora.  Devour.  Pandora.  He seemed to see her falling first.  Being dragged down into the mire of swarming child-vermin despite her serious efforts to stave them off.  They, who had chosen to attack her before himself.

      That Planet.  Had it been just another planet chosen randomly by the Astral Web like so many times before ?  Yet the Web hadn’t worked and had left Bob for dead.  A rebellion of sorts by the Astral Web ?  Perhaps it needed a vacation.  Perhaps it wanted a new Master.  Or perhaps a new Master wanted it ?  There were so many Powers throughout the Universe and though Bob had met many he hadn’t met them all and was certainly no match for certain Forces.  MasterKaster.  The name lodged in his brain.  What had gone on on that Planet ?  How had he escaped without the help of the Astral Web ?

      Dynamite Bob fell back into the boat with a groan.  Something had to give.  There had to be land somewhere.  He took out the oars and began to row.  Having no compass and absolutely no indication as to where he was, he rowed just for the sake of using his body and clearing his thoughts.  To try to piece the puzzle together.  To try to forget to remember.  The dried fruit had given him back his strength and allowed him to think more clearly and objectively.  No more paranoia.  No more black thoughts.  He rowed, heading straight for Infinity.  He would win in the end.  He always had in the past and there was no reason as to why he couldn’t now.

      The day dragged on as Dynamite Bob rowed and rowed.  He seemed to be going nowhere and the hot sun was slowing him down.  His mouth was parched and with only one barrel of liquor remaining he chose to wait until sunset before attacking it.  After awhile he could no longer row and dived into the salty blue sea.  The water was warmer than it had been up above but it was cooler than the air and offered some solace to his parched and tired body. 

      As he floated below the sun, he bitterly mused about his current state of affairs and the fact that one could die of thirst surrrounded by an infinite amount of water -  salt water.  Glancing over at the boat which rested inert on the silent sea, Bob’s eyes widened as he saw Pandora appear out of nowhere and land on the boat with spread wings.  As before her body was silhouetted by the overhead sun.  As before she didn’t speak but slowly began to communicate with him from the boat telepathically.

      « I’ve brought you water  and news.  You will soon arrive at your destination.  I will take you there myself when the time is right.  Come and drink. »

      Dynamite Bob made no effort to hide his delight and swam as fast as he could to regain the boat.  When he looked up to grab the stern, Pandora was no longer there.  He climbed inside and looked up into the sky.  No sign of his Guardian Angel.  In the boat were six large oilskins full of clean fresh water.  He drank deeply almost finishing the first one there and then.  But he stopped just short of doing that, deciding that even if he was soon to reach land it may be wiser to conserve the water as long as possible.  There was no telling when Pandora would come back.

A thin sheet of cloud arrived to cover the sun.  A single sun.  Most planets only had one. 

Dynamite Bob began to think back on all the planets he had visited with and without Pandora.  The strange lifeforms that were invented, survived and eventually disappeared.  It was the same all through the Universe.  There was always some Force hidden away in a place that no living thing, no matter how ‘intelligent’, could ever place or define.  It always ended up being loathed, feared, worshipped, obeyed, imagined, defended, attacked, fought over, ignored or celebrated.  But it was never – never really understood.  Those so-called ‘intelligent’ lifeforms never managed to look at themselves objectively.  As if that were possible.  So confusion reigned.  And so on until the …

      But Bob was getting ahead of himself.  He had other problems at hand. For the first time in a long time, he was now forced to react as a real flesh and blood human being.  Assuming the aches and pains plus the age of the Beast.  He estimated his physical age at around sixty human years.  While he was still in good shape he knew it wouldn’t last forever.  As possessor of the Astral Web, his DNA had adapted accordingly thus giving him powers beyond that of most living creatures of his design.  As the Web had now abandoned him, it had left him a simple human being.  At least in comparison to what he was before.  His last Adventure was, for the moment, a fuzzy memory.  He racked his brain and started in on another barrel.  The liquor would help him to remember - as usual.  What planet had he been on ?  If he could just name the last planet on which he remembered possessing the Web.  Just name the planet and that would be a start... yet nothing came.  Dynamite Bob downed another dram. Slithering child-like creatures and a terrible Presence.  How had it come to that ?

      The wind began to pick-up as Dynamite Bob finished off his dinner of smoked meat and galettes.  He was well into the barrel and lay on his back under a clear night sky with a myriad of stars whose constellations he had never seen.  As above so below.

       Children, or child-like creatures, depending on which planet you’re on, are not always what they seem.  Some children have no parents and don’t age.  They stay in their given form until they disintegrate from over use.  Just like paper.  Others are grown like plants and only begin to move when they are cut away from the Mother Vine in orchards which cover vast expanses and exist on numerous planets.  These type of child-like creatures are very limited in emotions but are capable of strange and fantastic acts of all sorts – from the most laudable to the most hideous.  Another form of child is the one that is assembled from different types of genomes either intentionally or randomly and are left to their own devices on planets that are frequently experiencing a very long period of ecological stability.  These are the most complex of children as they usually pass that stage and transform into older children or what are sometimes called ‘adults’.  They usually go on ‘create and destroy’ missions, unbeknownst to themselves, which allows any given planet to escape from its biological ‘rut’ and thus create a new biotrope.  To transform itself so to speak. The so-called ‘intelligent’ lifeforms often forget that a planet, by its very nature, is in itself a living entity which has ‘wishes and dreams’ of its own.  Children, or child-like creatures are often used by planets as catalysts to change their present state.

      Dynamite Bob was drawing another dram and musing to himself about the choices offered and decided that what he and Pandora had experienced definitely came from the children who were grown and cut from the Mother Vine.  Only that kind of child-like thing could produce such a macabre spectacle as he and Pandora had been loath to witness. 

      The problem now was to place the planet.  Bob had never spent much time on those planets as they were far from amusing.  They tended to be rather austere places consisting of drab children swaying under harsh winds, anchored by their feet which clung tenaciously to the huge horizontal trunk that made up the Mother Vine.  He quaffed another dram and shuddered at the thought of it.  The fact was that the Web had always been a roll of the dice.  While Bob may have been ‘Its Master’, he had no way of controlling the destination that It would choose when he stepped into It.  At best he could occasionally get the Astral Web to repeat a destination through force of will but this was not always one hundred percent reliable.  When It chose one of these unwelcomed planets for himself, escape was not always easy but always happened.  Until very recently that is.

      Dynamite Bob was glowing like the stars in the constellations above.  A cool breeze played on his buzz as he lay in the bottom of the boat grinning from ear to ear. He hoped that by morning he would be able to locate the last planet he had been on with Pandora.  If he could come up with its name he was sure that she would be able to go back there and return with the Astral Web.  Pandora had powers far superior to that of himself. She didn’t need the Web but she could go along for the ride if she felt like it or just follow the trail where it led Bob.  What was bothering him at the moment was the apparent loss of memory as to the events that led up to his arrival on the Planet that he was on at the moment.  Even Pandora seemed incapable of adding anything of importance during their brief encounter.  He put that down to too many active hormones. 

      Pandora was capable not just of transforming from one body to another –  she could also stock her experiences just like a computer can stock information.  She was immune to viruses and could adapt in a flash to any sort of planet anywhere in any Universe.  She had been there well before Dynamite Bob and Time as it is known.  If the Astral Web was a ‘hot item’, Pandora was even ‘hotter’.

      Bob finished off his barrel and began to dose under the stars.  The wind began to blow a little stronger and the boat bobbed up and down.  Bleary-eyed, he looked above and saw the large wing-splayed form of Pandora turning in circles above him.  He smiled, reassured, but made no effort to contact her.  He was safe despite the oncoming storm.  They had stuck it out together over the centuries and could always count on one another.

      It struck Bob as strange, however, the manner in which she was forced to communicate with him by telepathy.  Perhaps her new form had no vocal chords but with the powers she possessed it wasn’t beyond her to introduce them.  Why didn’t she descend ?  Normally she would be on him grinding away for dear life – especially when he was flying on fantastic cratur.  Her latest bodily appearance had been one of the most unusual and sensual that Bob had ever seen.  He liked it and wanted more.  Perhaps it was better to wait.  His gut instinct told him to relax and let her make the first move.  At the height at which she was circling he didn’t have much choice anyway.  Yet he was sure that she could see his hard-on from up there despite the lack of moonlight.

      The water grew very choppy and Bob decided that it was time to crawl into his fur-skin and roll-up for the ride.  He could feel that it was going to be a big one.  The wind was soon howling and this storm felt more real than the precedent which had sucked him below.  Soonafter, he began to hear things flapping at the sides of the boat as if they were trying to get a grip on it.  It was a disagreeable flip-floppy sound that was accompanied by a very pleasant spicy odour.  Dynamite Bob smiled despite the apparent danger.  Strange creatures existed in all seas and as he wasn’t at all familiar with this one, he could only speculate on what it could be.  Suddenly the boat pivoted on its bow and he felt a slopping weight fall on top of the tarpaulin.  It was breathing heavily as if catching its breath.   God, thought Bob, this is all I need. 

      Dynamite Bob was in no mood for bizarre sea monsters.  Choosing a long knife he thrust it blindly through the tarpaulin and into the heavy mass above him.  The cry it let out drowned out the howling wind and the crashing waves and even managed to unerve Bob for a second or two.  What was worse was the oily liquid that flowed down the knife handle and burnt his hand.  Grabbing another knife he wriggled his way out from below and turned to face the writhing mass of flesh on top of the tarp.

     Despite the lack of moon, Bob saw that the thing had no eyes but one large nostril that was shooting out wads of a viscous phosphorescent orange substance which smelled exactly like industrial orange soda pop. The creature was contorting like a newly caught fish out of water with all three of its mouths stretching and howling in spasmodic pain. An ugly bastard, thought Bob.  He had to get rid of it before its wound grew so large that its fluids would burn a hole right through his boat.  He tried to get hold of one of its large fins but the beast was moving in all directions and Bob didn’t want to risk injuring himself.  Suddenly it shot backwards at breakneck speed and caught Bob below the legs with its tubular body.  One of its appendages wrapped around his neck and at the same time the liquid from the creature’s wound began spilling onto Bob’s leg. 

      As he couldn’t breath and with just a few seconds remaining to him, he severed the appendage with the blade of his knife.  At that point pandemonium broke out with smoke billowing out of one of the mouths of the beast and Bob high-tailing it overboard.

      The creature was on him in a flash.  Dynamite Bob was a pretty good swimmer but was obviously no match for this alien vermin. Sticking his knife deep into the beast, he held onto it for want of something better to do. The creature desperately tried to take a piece out of him with one of its well-toothed mouths.  It was circling more and more rapidly, while trying to get another appendage onto Bob.  He was quickly tiring and had trouble catching his breath between his moments above and below water. As long as the creature didn’t have him firmly in his grip, it wouldn’t dive and Bob knew it.  However, if the beast caught onto him one more time, he was finished and that he also knew.  It soon became obvious to Bob that the struggle couldn’t last forever and the creature would ultimately win.  So he did what all experienced Adventurers would have done in his place -  he let go of the knife that was embedded in the creature’s body and swam as fast as he could from the badly injured and furious beast.  He hoped that the present storm would cause the thing to lose his scent.

      After a minute or so Dynamite Bob heard a long high-pitched howl that cut its way through the thundering wind of the storm.  Tossing like a cork, he smiled to himself, all the while floating on his back and thanking his lucky star that he’d made it out alive – again.

      A storm at sea is a pretty dangerous place to be.  But after what Bob had been through it felt pretty safe. Obviously, the boat had disappeared and the storm would make its retrival pretty well impossible.  Perhaps there was one hope – Pandora.  He was sure that his Guardian Angel had been watching the whole show.  Happily the water was relatively warm and he had escaped with only a few superficial burns and bruises.  Up and down he went as the roller coaster sea swells only got worse.  The tossing and turning went on until daybreak.  The sea then began to calm.  Bob as well.  Sleep was beginning to overtake him.  With the sunrise he was dozing tranquilly, floating on his back, with only the sound of his snoring disturbing the magnificent silence imposed by the blood-red orb which beamed its warm light on the now still waters of the sea.

      A bang on the head awoke him.  Startled, he took on a defensive posture but the danger only turned out to be the orange fishing boat.  The sun was high as it cast the familiar black silhouette of Pandora sitting on the edge of the boat.  She helped Dynamite Bob up.  Grateful, he took an oil-skin of water and downed the whole thing in one long draught.  The boat had survived the storm remarkably well.  He eyed her up and down.

      « Did you enjoy last night’s show ? »

      « You know very well that you never fail to impress me Bob. »  she replied.

      « Before we fuck and you fly I have a few questions for you . »

      « Fire away darling. »

      This time she answered in a deep and sensual voice.  The telepathy was over.  Bob was relieved.  It was the kind of communication he had never appreciated.  But before he could pose the first question Pandora piped in with a explanation of her own.  Perhaps the telepathy wasn't completely finished.

      « Much has changed Bob.  That last planet.  The Children.  That... Presence.  What's coming. »

      She began her explanation with a deep inward breath and told him that before being where they were now, they had been on a planet which orbited seventeenth from its sun.  The Web had stranded them there after a life-saving mission on another planet in a different solar system in which they had had much success but were forced to leave after the natives turned nasty. The seventeenth planet turned out to be rotating around its sun in the opposite direction of the other planets in its solar system. Its orbit was not uniform and it had a vicious tendancy to suck asteroids, comets and even other planets towards itself assuring their destruction.  In fact it was a Renegade Planet of sorts and the fact that life existed on it was more than just a miracle. The creatures who did exist on said planet were far from welcoming.  It was on that planet that The Astral Web had begun to malfunction and eventually fail.

       It was difficult for Dynamite Bob to accept such an explanation as the laws of nature tended to be rather similar throughout the Universe.  Perhaps it was his loss of memory that made him feel sceptical.  Pandora saw the doubt in his face but continued. 

       A looming Presence that changed in size and form were tracking the two of them over a burning desert of immense proportions.  Dynamite Bob was in his habitual human form and Pandora was made up of a collection of thin, fleshy tubes with small coils at their base so that she could move with long, quick bounds.  Bob held on to her for dear life as they made their escape.  After much effort and distance, they fell upwards into a sort of chasm that hovered over the desert.  It was cool up there and populated with beautiful insects and reptiles of many colours.  It was there that they tried the Web for the first time.  No response.  Another try.  Nothing.  Still another yet another and always the same result.  Pandora had the power to leave but she couldn't take Bob with her.  His body was that of a human being and he was incapable of making the transformations that she could.  The Astral Web was hand tailored for him.

      In the distance they could see the Presence was approaching and it was time again to move.  They bounded up a steep cliff hoping to lose the predator that trailed them.  When they reached the top they found themselves amongst a community of child-like things.  Their quirky movements and glow-orange eyes indicated entities from a Mother Vine, which confirmed Bob’s earlier assumption.  The child-like things danced with mad grinning faces and darting purple tongues around Pandora and Bob twittering like song-birds in the spring.  They had chalk-white skin and long black flaxen hair. Even if human-like in appearance, their genitalia clearly showed that they were not.  Pandora and Bob communicated by telepathy.  Normally the child-like things should not have been able to lock-into the thoughts that the two were exchanging between themselves. 

      Normally.

      The child-like things soon grew bored with them and wandered away.  Dynamite Bob and Pandora were on the edge of a plateau which gave out onto rolling pasture and endless wildflowers perfectly framed by the deepest azure blue sky. They tried the Web again.  Still no luck.  The Presence was falling upwards from the desert below.  Soon It would be at the base of the cliff...

 Pandora stopped speaking.  She could remember no more.  She cast a worried glance at Bob.  Skeptical, he remained silent for awhile and then put forth a question.

      « Where am I going? »

      « To a sexual paradise or a sexual hell – I'll let you decide."  Pandora smiled;  "It all depends on how they receive you. »

      « They? »

      « The Natives of the Trislands. »

      « Trislands? »

      « Tri-Islands if you prefer…three islands in fact. » replied Pandora.  « Sheer sexual lunacy.  Don't forget Bob, you don't have the Web now.  I can follow you.  I can help you.  And maybe – maybe I can save your life.  But your life is your own now.  Age, Bob... age.  Without the Web to extend your body beyond the centuries, time's going to catch up to you. »

      Dynamite Bob reflected deeply about all the time he had passed with and without Pandora in all the different galaxies, solar systems, and planets.  He was a man.  Neither old nor young.  Physically, he hadn't changed in countless years.  Even his birthplace and parents were but a distant memory. Without the Astral Web, Mortality was upon him. Pandora saw the fear in his face.  It was indeed the first time she had seen that and now fear filled her.  The fear of losing her best friend.

      « I'll find your Web, » she spoke quietly but with determination.  « But there are things on the Trislands that are beyond my powers Bob and that's saying a lot.  I've met some of the Natives.  And observed a lot more.  They're not too friendly but they're all you've got.  This Planet consists of two spheres.  You landed on the first one.  The exterior one.  Sun and fresh water and all.  Dragging this boat up there took all my strength. The hole you went through is the passage way into the second interior sphere. An artificial sun turns around on the interior of the second sphere.  Exactly in the same way as many of your earth-ignorant ‘Illuminati’ thought about their sun in the past - only this time it's true! »

         Dynamite Bob rolled his eyes upward in resignation.

      « You're going to the land on the MainIsland.  That's where you'll meet the only life-forms on this planet which resemble humans.»

      « Resemble humans! »

      « It's not the rue St. Honoré, Bob.  But you've got no choice my friend.  I can't get you off this Planet.  What I can do is try and get back to that Renegade Planet and trace your Web.  That's all I can do. »

      Pandora spread her large leathery wings revealing all.  Dynamite Bob slipped right in for a long seance of sex.  He smiled at her.

      « Bon voyage Pandora. »

      Pandora would arrange it so that Bob would land on the principal beach of the MainIsland. The other two islands were inhabited by life entities not found on the MainIsland.  Just a short distance off the eastcoast of the MainIsland loomed a massive pillar of black rock jutting out of the sea and rising high into the air  At its top sat a large globe.  It wasn’t considered an island as no living creature had ever alighted on it.

 

      Dynamite Bob awoke to a beautiful sunrise with a deep blue sky full of billowing pink clouds.  There was a strong, cool wind and the sea was rough.  He ate like he hadn't in a long time, secure in Pandora's assurances that he would be on the MainIsland for dinner.  Besides, it may turn out to be his last meal and he saw no reason to let the Islanders finish off what was his if they chose to finish him off.

      Presently Pandora appeared on the horizon.  She shouted down to Bob.

      « You're not too far now.  You must row in my direction.  I'll fly low.  With luck you'll be there before sundown. »

      « Row!? » exclaimed Bob.  « I might've thought that at least you would have the courtesy to give me a tow.  After all it's me who'll have to deal with those brutes. »

      « All the more reason for you to row, mon cher. » laughed Pandora.  « They may go easier on you if you arrive in a state of exhaustion.  Besides, that's exactly how I feel after having passed the better part of the day and night with you. »

      Dynamite Bob grumbled and began to row.  In any case she was probably right.  She often was.  The going was rough and by the time lunch had rolled around he was very hungry.  Happily for him he had not entirely finished his food and there were two oil-skins of water which remained.  Unfortunately for Bob there was no more of that sublime liquor left.  He layed down the oars.  Pandora whirled around and hovered over him. 

      « No time for rest Dynamite! »

      « I've been rowing for hours and I've got to eat something. »

      « You'll lose too much time and distance.  The current's against you.  Keep rowing! »

Pandora’s last comment shed no new light on the obvious but that didn’t stop Bob from stuffing his mouth with dried meat and fruit as he began to row anew.  After some long hours and aching muscles, the Islands finally came into view on the horizon.

      The sun was blood red as it sank behind the Trislands.  The sea was as still as glass and Dynamite Bob lay back in the boat – exhausted.  Pandora sat on the bow with her eyes peeled on the Islands.

      Still out of eye-shot, she thought to herself.  At least for the Islanders.

      Bob opened his eyes and for the first time managed to take in the three Islands.  On his left was an island that finished in a high pointed peak.  At its base was what appeared to be a narrow stone raised beach which gave way to trees which circled round until they finished at the top.  The second island, which was to the right of the first but seemed further in the distance was larger and rose straight up out of the sea.  High cliffs made up its base and on top he saw what appeared to be a large stand of forest that made its way from one end of the island to the other.  The third island, the MainIsland, was much closer and much larger than the other two.  It began as a beach which gave way to forest. From the forest rose tall cliffs which stopped abruptly revealing a plateau where there were no trees to be seen.  On the plateau he could make out rolling hills which rose in height as they advanced northwards.  At the north end of the island he imagined he saw a oddly-shaped fortress with two dark recesses that resembled blackened eyes. 

      « Well if islands can see, this must be the one. »  quipped Bob.  Pandora remained silent.

      In front of the MainIsland loomed the massive rock pillar with the globe on top.  Bob shuddered as he looked at it.  Its presence was such that it felt more menacing than it looked.  It was as if a massive dard had penetrated through the Planet’s crust, pulsated by a lust driven delirium, its smooth globe taught and awaiting orgasm.   The dominant Jod which rules all –

past, present and future – until it destroys Itself through vengence and greed.  That it should be so close to the MainIsland surprised Bob.  How could anyone enjoy life with that thing looking down on you?

      The Globe blended in with the purple light of dusk.  Yet just as he was about to turn away it seemed to him that a sliver of crimson light made its way up the curve of the Globe from its bottom up to its top.

      « Must be wiping its ass. »  mumbled Dynamite Bob to himself.

      « Maybe you should wait 'til daybreak before you head ashore. » suggested Pandora.

      « What! » shouted Bob.  « I nearly kill myself getting here and now you want me to wait until tommorrow morning before I head ashore.  Well that's real good thinking, that is!  No, no and no!  You said sundown and it's going to be sundown! »

      He picked up the oars and began rowing.  Pandora slumped back into the boat non-plussed.

      « Well if that's what you really want it's O.K by me. I was just thinking of you, that's all. »

      Bob kept rowing.  Pandora continued.

      « It's almost dark you see.  When they see you coming in with the tide their testicles will lodge into their guts and they won't stop to ask questions.  Those spearchuckers are pretty handy with their weapons and after all you won't be able to dodge them as easily as me.  But if you insist... »

      Bob kept rowing.  Pandora began to anger and spat out.

      « Just don't blame me with your last dying breath.  After all it's not my fault if you're so stubborn and pig-headed and won't listen to reason. »

      Bob kept rowing.  Pandora rolled back the tarpaulin.  After rummaging around for a bit she pulled out a small but very beautiful wooden keg.  The bands that held it together were made of the finest silver and the staves came from a rare oak tree that only grew on one Planet in a very specific Solar System.  The cratur it contained was reputed to be the best this side of any Universe. 

      Bob stopped rowing.  His eyes bulged and he lunged at Pandora with the speed of a cobra.  He knew what the keg contained.  For indeed he, being Dynamite Bob, was reknowned throughout his Universe for his gastronomique and sexual exploits.  Practically nothing worth mentioning about those two subjects was unknown to him and this lovely little keg would bring more than one life-entity to its knees (or something similar) just begging for a dram.  Or ready to kill for one.  Naturally Pandora was quicker and hovered just out of his reach, brandishing the keg under his nose. 

      « Really Bob, you do have a most murderous look in your beautiful green eyes. »

      He was livid and beyond reply.  At least he had dropped the oars.  Pandora played cat and mouse with him until he was indeed truly exhausted.

      « All tuckered out?" she cooed.  « There you go Dynamite.  You see how much better it is when you listen to me.  I really only have your good will in mind.  After all, if you arrive tomorrow morning it'll be easier for me to keep an eye on you, you know -  just in case.  And besides, if you are killed tommorrow I would feel guilty as hell knowing that this little baby has been lying beside you all this time and you were just toooo laaazy to seek it out. »

      Breathing heavily, he eyed her with a smirk and nodded in admiration.

       « Bravo Pandora.  I don't know how you manage to do it.  It's been eons since I was last able to obtain a keg of that!»

      Pandora just smiled and handed him the keg.  Together they passed the night sipping the Elixir of the Universe.  The Trislands lay in front of them.  They could see fires lit all along the beach and over the still water they could hear songs and laughter.  Every now and then the

joyous revelry was pierced by a most horrible shriek.  With a raised eyebrow and satiated smile, Dynamite Bob looked over at Pandora.

      « Just what is it that you're getting me into? »

 

pg.13 - the adventures continue...

 

 

 

TABLE of CONTENTS

Foreward

pgs.  i – ii

 

Chapter 1.  Arrival  (32 pages)

pgs. 1 – 32

 

Chapter 2.  The Isle of Krabiin  (49 pages)

pgs.  32 – 81

 

Chapter  3.  The Island of Tago-Naaz  (37 pages)

pgs.  68 – 105

 

Chapter  4.  The MainIsland  (40 pages)

pgs.  106 – 146

 

Chapter  5.  The Plateau (19 pages)

pgs.  147 – 166

 

Afterward

pg.  167

 

Table of Contents

pg. 168

 

total – 170 computer pages (typesize 12)

 

total illustrations - 16

  

total – 170 computer pages (typesize 12)

 

total illustrations - 16